*uses snapchat text bar to cover double chin*
how to protect yourself from someone trying to rob you
- look them in the eyes and tell them you know their father was never there for them
- share an emotional hug
- during the emotional hug reach into their back pocket and take their wallet haha trolled
a musical entitled “may, senior year” filled with hits such as:
“i never knew you wanted to join the military”
“why are you getting married”
“that’s an awful tattoo”
“what am i doing for the rest of my life”
“how will i afford deodorant in college”
“why can’t i graduate already”
“why can’t i graduate already (reprise): why am i graduating already”
as i was walking home this group of eight year olds thought it would be funny if they all gave me the finger as i approached so i turned around and said “i’m telling your parents you did that” and they all simultaneously burst into tears and begged me not to tell on them.
im not ashamed to say it was the highlight of adult life.
oh my god I misread this as “eighty year olds”
(Source: houselannincester)
today in theater someone asked my friend if he was pro gay and he was like “im not pro gay but im not amateur gay either”
If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
